your name

Jack Isaac Voigt was named after Jesus' most beloved disciple - Jack is a derivative of John. The Book of John holds a special place in my heart because after years of reading the bible, it took just moments with John to lead me to a personal relationship with Jesus. As for Jack's middle name, God kinda picked that one out, or at least it felt that way to me. Isaac for me represents the story on the mountain where Abraham was told by God to take his only son, whom he loved, Isaac, and sacrifice him as an offering to the Lord. Abraham obeyed, showing his love and fear for God. In return, God spared Isaac by providing an alternate offering to give in the form of a ram caught in the thicket by it's horns. He knew in his heart that God had provided this animal for the sacrifice in place of his son. Therefore, Abraham named the place "The Lord Will Provide." I found this version of the Abraham and Isaac story in a children's bible story book I had bought for Gaige years before. The night I read it, I was so worried about how we would care for our new baby Jack, but after I read Abraham's trial, I worried no more because I knew God would provide. We chose Isaac as Jack's middle name to honor the safety and assurance God allowed us.

held

Held - Natalie Grant

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing

To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows

The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is what it means to be held.....

We are Held everyday,
some days it doesn't feel like it as much as others.
So just imagine how much more it would hurt
on those days...  if He wasn't holding us.

you

I remember YOU, Jack. I remember laying my head at the same level as yours.. trying to see this world from your perspective and through your eyes. I didn't like what I saw either. I would've kept my eyes closed all the time also. I know you would've had them opened more if it weren't for the swelling. I remember how strong you were.. I remember the first time I actually saw you shed tears, it broke my heart. I love you so much Jack.

preordained

This is a picture of Jack that we have set up in the living room, it's a large 8x10. While it pains me to look at most of his pictures at this time, this one comforts me.

     In this picture Jack is barely two hours old but his eyes show the wisdom of a grown adult. He looks at the camera as if he knows what happens next, as if he knows that when the camera flashes he must hold his eyes steady not to blink and ruin the picture. He looks at the man holding the camera as if he had been held by him a hundred times before, completely familiar with him. He knows it's his father.

    This picture also shows Jack's strength, you see I am a firm believer that God knows each of our souls before we enter our mother's womb. I believe God has preordained each of our days to come, down to the smallest detail. And when I look at this picture I see Jack trusting his life in God's hands. I see wisdom beyond years, I see my child's eyes saying, don't be sad Mommy, God has told me His plan and I am prepared, I am strong and I am going to do God's will. Even if it takes my whole lifetime or even if it takes only 58 days. Jack Isaac lived a full life because he lived the life God had intended for him. Nothing less and nothing more.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5

your skin

I remember the feel of your soft baby skin, I miss it so much. You used to grip my finger so tight.

alive

I remember reading to you, I loved reading to you so much. I was always drawn to The New Testament, I wanted you to know everything about Jesus. I learned more about my faith reading the bible to you than I had in my entire life of studying God's word, alone. We discovered so many amazing things side by side. I knew you were to young to verbally understand but I'm positive you could feel God's presence around you. I remember your nurse, Audrey, I miss talking with her, she would light up when spoke of her faith. We would each get on one side of your bed and share our experiences of how God had effected our lives. There was so much laughter and warmth around you, God blessed you with surroundings full of peace. No one cried because of what might happen, no one spoke sad words or showed pity because of what they saw. We were excited because you were alive, and no matter how the tables turned you were going to be healed, because God's Grace is sufficient.

your hair

I remember the time you were really wiggly, I never actually seen you move but you would repeatedly shift to the left. It was quite an anomaly among the nurses, you made us laugh and it was like you were smiling with us. It was the only time I got to put my face to yours. The bed was more of a table like crib and it wasn't possible to reach you but you wiggled over to the left so I leaned in close. Your skin was so soft, I ran my nose along your cheek and ear and gave you soft baby kisses. I kissed your hair, it was so delicate and soft, little baby wisps of hair. I still remember what they felt like on my lips.