Saturday, April 3, 2010
In Celebration '10
Jack was a gift from God, a borrowed angel, he in his short amount of time here, showed me Christ on the cross dying for my sins only so we could have LIFE!! Our eternal life is such a precious gift. I can't wait to see what he sees but until then I'm going to share with everyone what God has shown me through this little boy! He allowed me to have Jack for a borrowed amount of time, to show me purpose in my life by spreading God's word far and wide until that one day we will all praise Him together in His shining Glory. He showed me that it was He who stepped down from His throne and was born into human flesh to show us then and thousands of years later, that He would give up everything for us. That He would not abandon us. That He would save us from our sins so we could be reunited with Him. He showed me through the lose of a child how important it is that we have Salvation, that had Christ not made the ultimate sacrifice, my son’s soul… I can’t begin to comprehend “the what ifs.” He taught me that worrying does nothing and that having faith and trusting Him is key to survival
Monday, December 28, 2009
This Is The Way
You will weep no more.
How gracious He will be when you cry for help!
As soon as He hears, He will answer you.
Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity
and the water of affliction,
your teachers will be hidden no more;
with your own eyes you will see them.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
"This is the way; walk in it."
Isaiah 30:19-21 NIV
I am Still With You
I read this to Jack before he was born, as he lived and the day he passed.
It was given to me not just by God, but by someone that was touched by it's meaning and it's true gift of healing.
O LORD, You have searched me and You know me.You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; You have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if Imake my bed in the depths, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say,"Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.
For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with You. If only You would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men. They speak of You with evil intent; Your adversaries misuse Your name.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against You? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139
It was given to me not just by God, but by someone that was touched by it's meaning and it's true gift of healing.
O LORD, You have searched me and You know me.You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; You have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if Imake my bed in the depths, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say,"Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.
For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with You. If only You would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men. They speak of You with evil intent; Your adversaries misuse Your name.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against You? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139
Sunday, December 27, 2009
taken for granted
A baby born in the cold gently sighs as he is being held warm by his mother, the divine Word reduced to a few unintelligible sounds. Then for the first time, the baby's eyes fix on his mother's. Deity straining to focus. The Light of the World, squinting. Tears pool in her eyes. She touches his tiny hand. Hands that once sculpted mountain ranges now cling to her finger. Mary looks up at Joseph, and through a watery veil, their souls touch. He crowds closer, cheek to cheek with his betrothed. Together they stare in awe at the baby Jesus, whose heavy eyelids begin to close. It has been a long journey. The King is tired.
And so with barely a ripple of notice, God stepped into the warm lake of humanity. Without protocol and without pretension. Where you would've expected angels, there were merely flies. Where you would have expected heads of state there were only donkeys, a few haltered cows, a nervous ball of sheep, a tethered camel, and a furtive scurry of curious barn mice.
Except for Joseph, there was no one to share Mary's pain or her joy. Yes, there were angels announcing the Savior's arrival, but only to a band of blue collared shepherds. And yes, a magnificent star shone in the sky to mark his birthplace but only three foreigners bothered to look up and follow it. Thus in the little town of Bethlehem… that one silent night, the royal birth of God's Son tiptoed quietly by… as the world slept.
Ken Gire, Moments With The Savoir
Christmas is not just a date on the calendar. It is not just an annual holiday. It is not a day to glorify selfishness and materialism. Christmas is the celebration of the event that set Heaven to singing, an event that gave the stars of the night sky a new brilliance.
Christmas tells us that at a specific time and at a specific place a specific Person was born. That Person was God of God, Light of Light, the Lord Jesus Christ.
From the lips of Him who came fell these words: "The Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost" Luke 19:10. Like piercing trumpets, these words heralded the breaking in of the Divine to human history. They declare that Heaven has come to our rescue and that God has not left us to stumble alone on Earth's pathway. What a wonderful and glorious hope we have because of that first Christmas.
-Billy Graham, Hope For Each Day
Why do we forget so easily what God has truly done for us. There isn't a day that goes by that someone, somewhere doesn't ask, "Where is God? Has He abandoned us? We pray and He doesn't answer. Why?"
Know that He always answers your prayers, it just may not be the way you wanted. Each of us represents a tiny part of a huge plan that only He knows. We can not even begin to fathom the extent of it. That silent night so long ago was a part of God's plan. A plan that started so small, a plan that shined out through a child's eyes. God stepped down from his thrown and was born into human flesh to show us then and thousands of years later, that He would give up everything for us. That He would not abandon us. That He would save us from our sins so we could be reunited with Him. So when someone asks, "Where is God? What has He done to help me?" You have an answer, and if His Crucifixion isn't enough then just remember he lived this same life your living, only with no air conditioning or comfort fit shoes, no cell phones or cars with built in TV's. He lived a hard life, a simple life so when we needed someone to cry to about this world, He would understand. And we would not stumble alone.
And so with barely a ripple of notice, God stepped into the warm lake of humanity. Without protocol and without pretension. Where you would've expected angels, there were merely flies. Where you would have expected heads of state there were only donkeys, a few haltered cows, a nervous ball of sheep, a tethered camel, and a furtive scurry of curious barn mice.
Except for Joseph, there was no one to share Mary's pain or her joy. Yes, there were angels announcing the Savior's arrival, but only to a band of blue collared shepherds. And yes, a magnificent star shone in the sky to mark his birthplace but only three foreigners bothered to look up and follow it. Thus in the little town of Bethlehem… that one silent night, the royal birth of God's Son tiptoed quietly by… as the world slept.
Ken Gire, Moments With The Savoir
Christmas is not just a date on the calendar. It is not just an annual holiday. It is not a day to glorify selfishness and materialism. Christmas is the celebration of the event that set Heaven to singing, an event that gave the stars of the night sky a new brilliance.
Christmas tells us that at a specific time and at a specific place a specific Person was born. That Person was God of God, Light of Light, the Lord Jesus Christ.
From the lips of Him who came fell these words: "The Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost" Luke 19:10. Like piercing trumpets, these words heralded the breaking in of the Divine to human history. They declare that Heaven has come to our rescue and that God has not left us to stumble alone on Earth's pathway. What a wonderful and glorious hope we have because of that first Christmas.
-Billy Graham, Hope For Each Day
Why do we forget so easily what God has truly done for us. There isn't a day that goes by that someone, somewhere doesn't ask, "Where is God? Has He abandoned us? We pray and He doesn't answer. Why?"
Know that He always answers your prayers, it just may not be the way you wanted. Each of us represents a tiny part of a huge plan that only He knows. We can not even begin to fathom the extent of it. That silent night so long ago was a part of God's plan. A plan that started so small, a plan that shined out through a child's eyes. God stepped down from his thrown and was born into human flesh to show us then and thousands of years later, that He would give up everything for us. That He would not abandon us. That He would save us from our sins so we could be reunited with Him. So when someone asks, "Where is God? What has He done to help me?" You have an answer, and if His Crucifixion isn't enough then just remember he lived this same life your living, only with no air conditioning or comfort fit shoes, no cell phones or cars with built in TV's. He lived a hard life, a simple life so when we needed someone to cry to about this world, He would understand. And we would not stumble alone.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Battle Ground
Sometimes... I'm numb other times I want to fall to the floor and feel no more. I can picture Jack sitting on the floor playing with his toys, I can see his baby soft skin growing. I want to touch him and hold him and feel his heart beat, proving to me that he is alive. I want to look into his eyes and see him look back and recognize me. But I can't... I can't see his eyes anymore and I can't remember what it felt like to touch him. But I will forever watch him grow in my minds eye.
I'm entering a new level of grief. A selfish level, one that wants my son back, one that wants to rob him from heaven and hold him tight in my arms. And I'm ashamed that I could ever want to take that from him. I'm ashamed that God took my blood clots and not his. Why would He spare me and not my son. Why would He make me stay here without Jack. I know in my rational mind that God knows all and that we are a smaller part, of yet a bigger plan. That if God had chose not to heal my body, then the anguish I feel now, would only be passed to another. But in the pain, in the pit of the ache... rational thoughts aren't as clear as I would like. The devil sits over my shoulder and whispers in my weakness, "that it's all a fairy tale. God does not exist you can't depend on Him.Your in this all alone," he says. "No God... especially the one you love, would take your son from you. He would never comfort you through those months only then to say, 'Sorry, your just not good enough to keep my child, so I'm taking him back.'" He continues this charade of lies by taunting me about God's love. He whispers, "doesn't your God say He loves you? Does this feel like love? All those promises written... broken. He doesn't care about you or anyone you love. Why would He put Jack through so much suffering and make you watch? Why would He make you feel so helpless if He loved you? So I'm telling you," he says, "God is not real. This world is meaningless.You can only depend on yourself."
But the devil forgets that I know he would not have the power to whisper in my ear if it weren't for God. He himself would not exist if it weren't for God allowing it. He forgets that I know that nothing befalls the children of God that doesn’t first pass through the hands of God. I believe that God is just as alive in me during those moments of fragility as He is when I'm strong. How would we see His face in the darkness if it was never dark? How would we grow in our faith if we didn't have to fight for it. So I say in return, "Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve." The whispers begin to fade and the heaviness of his dark presence dissipates. The hollowness that filled my heart is now replaced with a fullness that only God, Himself could make full. I feel alive, strong and fully embraced by Christ, prepared and ready for the next assault. Everyday is a battle and everyday with Christ by my side... I will overcome.
I'm entering a new level of grief. A selfish level, one that wants my son back, one that wants to rob him from heaven and hold him tight in my arms. And I'm ashamed that I could ever want to take that from him. I'm ashamed that God took my blood clots and not his. Why would He spare me and not my son. Why would He make me stay here without Jack. I know in my rational mind that God knows all and that we are a smaller part, of yet a bigger plan. That if God had chose not to heal my body, then the anguish I feel now, would only be passed to another. But in the pain, in the pit of the ache... rational thoughts aren't as clear as I would like. The devil sits over my shoulder and whispers in my weakness, "that it's all a fairy tale. God does not exist you can't depend on Him.Your in this all alone," he says. "No God... especially the one you love, would take your son from you. He would never comfort you through those months only then to say, 'Sorry, your just not good enough to keep my child, so I'm taking him back.'" He continues this charade of lies by taunting me about God's love. He whispers, "doesn't your God say He loves you? Does this feel like love? All those promises written... broken. He doesn't care about you or anyone you love. Why would He put Jack through so much suffering and make you watch? Why would He make you feel so helpless if He loved you? So I'm telling you," he says, "God is not real. This world is meaningless.You can only depend on yourself."
But the devil forgets that I know he would not have the power to whisper in my ear if it weren't for God. He himself would not exist if it weren't for God allowing it. He forgets that I know that nothing befalls the children of God that doesn’t first pass through the hands of God. I believe that God is just as alive in me during those moments of fragility as He is when I'm strong. How would we see His face in the darkness if it was never dark? How would we grow in our faith if we didn't have to fight for it. So I say in return, "Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve." The whispers begin to fade and the heaviness of his dark presence dissipates. The hollowness that filled my heart is now replaced with a fullness that only God, Himself could make full. I feel alive, strong and fully embraced by Christ, prepared and ready for the next assault. Everyday is a battle and everyday with Christ by my side... I will overcome.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Perfect Butterfly
I want to thank all the nurses, RTs and doctors that took part in my son's life. I'll never forget any of you, especially those that continue to reach out and keep my family in their prayers. Thank you for the effort and thought you put towards the personal gifts, they will be cherished forever.
Be still and know that I am God -Psalm 46:10, was the first scripture put on Jack's Scripture wall. It was the first of many scriptures God would lead us too. But this one was the most important. He was letting us know not to worry that He was in control.
Hours before Jack began his eternal life, I sat down in his room and wrote a quote on a piece of paper that I had seen earlier that week. At the time, it meant that when Jack got better he would be free of this shell (illness) and his life would be in full bloom. Little did I know it meant so much more. As I wrote the words on the note, my heart filled with so much joy for my son, I was overwhelmed with happiness for him. And I knew his journey was complete, no matter how much it hurt, I celebrated for him, I rejoiced with him. His victory was won. I wanted everyone there to understand that this day was to be celebrated even more than the day of his birth. Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly, is what I wrote. I realized in those hours that our life here on earth is the caterpillar and the eternal life we are promised is the butterfly. I left the note for the nurses and on it I asked our Lord to bless everyone that touched my son, whether they kept him alive or if they just checked his pulse. I wanted them all to be blessed. I know some thought of the mistakes made or the things that could have been done different but I know only good intent was in every ones heart no matter what the outcome. So for me to question a doctor or a nurse's decision would be for me to question God's Will because He was in control not man. I never looked to man to save my son, I only looked to God so when my son passed I knew there was nothing that could have been done different. I miss you all. That quote was later added to Jack's memorial presentation card, asking for the Lord to bless all those who prayed for our son as well.
The canvas painting and beautiful butterfly was sent to us from some very special people on the medical staff at St. Francis. I had found the perfect caterpillar in the summer of '09 and was still in search of the perfect butterfly when it arrived.
Be still and know that I am God -Psalm 46:10, was the first scripture put on Jack's Scripture wall. It was the first of many scriptures God would lead us too. But this one was the most important. He was letting us know not to worry that He was in control.
Hours before Jack began his eternal life, I sat down in his room and wrote a quote on a piece of paper that I had seen earlier that week. At the time, it meant that when Jack got better he would be free of this shell (illness) and his life would be in full bloom. Little did I know it meant so much more. As I wrote the words on the note, my heart filled with so much joy for my son, I was overwhelmed with happiness for him. And I knew his journey was complete, no matter how much it hurt, I celebrated for him, I rejoiced with him. His victory was won. I wanted everyone there to understand that this day was to be celebrated even more than the day of his birth. Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly, is what I wrote. I realized in those hours that our life here on earth is the caterpillar and the eternal life we are promised is the butterfly. I left the note for the nurses and on it I asked our Lord to bless everyone that touched my son, whether they kept him alive or if they just checked his pulse. I wanted them all to be blessed. I know some thought of the mistakes made or the things that could have been done different but I know only good intent was in every ones heart no matter what the outcome. So for me to question a doctor or a nurse's decision would be for me to question God's Will because He was in control not man. I never looked to man to save my son, I only looked to God so when my son passed I knew there was nothing that could have been done different. I miss you all. That quote was later added to Jack's memorial presentation card, asking for the Lord to bless all those who prayed for our son as well.
The canvas painting and beautiful butterfly was sent to us from some very special people on the medical staff at St. Francis. I had found the perfect caterpillar in the summer of '09 and was still in search of the perfect butterfly when it arrived.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
your name
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